Just Here Dad

If you’re wondering, I’m just here Dad

With a million problem piling over my head

Curing withering soul over that bed…

Just here Dad

Bleeding the most precious tears I’ve ever had

And fate’s celebrating victory; driving me mad…

Just here Dad

Black turns the quilt you gifted me as red

Gloom’s replacing posters over walls spread…

“Woman Warrior” Painting by Jia Lu

Just here Dad

I’m just here almost dead

Tell me what’s happiness but a legend I’ve read!

Just here Dad

Just here, for there’s no other place to gad

Just here collecting few words over my last letter to add…

Just here Dad

Trying to cut off a sixteen year old thread,

Yet still grateful even for the crumbs of bread…

I’m just here if you’re wondering; Dad

Here now and in a robe of your choice, clad

Sorry; but can’t stay any longer; wonder no more Dad…


72 thoughts on “Just Here Dad

  1. Just here Dad
    Trying to cut off a sixteen year old thread,
    Yet still grateful even for the crumbs of bread…
    ** Very deep poem… one I feel like I can relate to in some ways. Thank you for sharing. ♥

      • The part of your poem that I quoted in my message speaks a million words to me. Sadly, my Dad was not a very good man and a bad Father. He loved us, this I know…. but before I could accept who he was and wasn’t, he passed away as a homeless man.
        Aside from relating, you wrote it beautifully and I could “feel” your words. ♥

        • Sad to know your story, but I always see you as a brave woman & I’m pretty sure you’re healed..he’s certainly proud of you creating the identity he lost to..
          May he rest in peace
          Much love

  2. The authentic transparency revealed in this poem is evoking. I am sorry for any real pain or challenge you may be plagued with. I understand pain,

    I have went through much with my father, he divorced my mother and married my half sister when I was a teenager. Their relationship began many years before that. They had a son…there is a plethora of pain, struggles, to this story, yet, the toughest was to let go, to forgive, to accept my love for him, and not to bare the burdens of his poor decisions. He hurt all the people I loved, and justified himself at the expense of everyone’s dignity. He failed to see how his selfishness feasted on the happiness of others. He left us all with a legacy of dysfunction we spent most of our lives working to reconcile. Most of my brothers and sisters never did well; Drug addicts, alcoholics, immature, wounded, afraid of responsibility. I struggled with all of it, but some how broke through. Perhaps faith in a loving God that I somehow came to believe couldn’t be responsible for all the nonsense in this world.

    I am now 51, and have still not completely reconciled all of the pain, yet, what I have come to reconcile is; I am not who my father was. His shame is not mine. My identity is not defined by his shame. I am not a victim, I am special, I am an artist, full of atheistically perceptive expressions that come from somewhere beyond the pain and hurt. Perhaps Gods gift to me to help me find Him by touching the Beauty of His being. I am defined by the love I have found in my relationship with God. I have learned to forgive, accept forgiveness, and allow all the love of God to define me. I will never understand how this thing called grace works, I only know it does for me.

    I wish you the best on your Journey and I wish for you to overcome, and find Love to replace anything negative that may cause you struggles. Please forgive me for ranting on, you should be encouraged. Poetry is supposed to have this effect.

    • Speechless in front of the pain dwelling beneath your words:'(
      All I can say you’re welcome leaving your heart loads any time, may it be healing.
      Light & Peace

      • Aww Mira, I have found a light path. One with much forgiveness and grace towards life, myself, and others. Not all of us stepped out of the character we played as children, but for those that do, the stage is being set for a much grander show. The enlightened insights that come with being on that side and making it to the other are priceless. The empathy I can tap into for those suffering emotional turmoil runs deep. I am truly blessed. Thanks for reading and responding. Many blessings…

  3. Most would say it is a mother’s love that binds to a child so well, but I find as the years pass, that a father makes a mark far beyond what the imagination can conjure … I read ‘Nessa’s story this morning and it nearly broke my heart, what she has carried since she was 4 years old, I have a daughter 26 now, though she is 300 miles from me, we speak nearly every day … I don’t know what scars I may have left on her, but I know I left some joy along the way … Thank you for sharing your heart this way, and reminding us to love, love, love, time will not wait for us … As I told ‘Nessa – You are loved …

  4. Very poingnant Mira! The bond with our parents is special and nobody can replace them or the love they provide….. Hugs and love my dear!

  5. as an indian woman i can feel the immense pain of that poem Mira. so many indian women will lip those words with you.

    why cant we women get up and grab what we deserve? because along with men we are dragging ourselves back too, like crabs in a bucket.

    • Well I’m afraid you got it the wrong way sweetie; I’ve never been dragged back by anyone specially men..& I feel sad because my beats brought you such a fall..
      Hugs of Peace

        • Again you’re out of the track..
          This is a story of mine & it holds me from the first line to its last, yet the meaning you’ve grabbed isn’t the written or the hidden…
          any way we always read what our spirits plot not necessarily what the writer does…light&Peace

  6. You deserved so much more. Nothing hurts more than the family member who alters your life path dramatically. I relate. I understand. We mourn mostly for the selves we could have been, as if some one could ever steal our true beautiful selves.

    • Sweet Sue; you’ve dived well through the last stanza..
      A dress might be other choice than mine but not the one beneath just because a true identity is untouchable…thanks for the valued visit..
      Love & Light

  7. Awwww….I sense such a sadness, and yet an acceptance of your past, and of who and where you are now…..my own dad, I know loves me, but has always been emotionless, only showing anger as a way to love….I had some deep seated insecurities and aggressions to overcome because of this….I am much better now, but the ghosts of such things still visit me from time to time…..so sorry for what you have endured through your emotions, but you would not have gained the beautiful soul you are without these hardships, unfortunately….Here is to a new day and a new way through us….
    love and hugs

    • Sad you’re still being spammed:(
      &sad to know your part of a painful story that keeps haunting your time..
      &Thanks for lift up at the end; no one’s allowed to stamp our true identity except our true self..
      Love & Light & peaceful weekend along

  8. Beautiful ! In some ways, i can understand the excruciating pain described. Soothing flow of poetry like peaceful, undisturbed stream.

  9. “still grateful even for crumbs of bread”
    Thanksgiving for even the nothingness, shall be an angel who says this

  10. Really touched my heart. I will remember your good relationship with your Dad. If at that time we understand, what is being taught by our Dad ……
    I will remember you and your Dad ………………….. 🙂

    • Before understanding what a flesh dad has taught us, we should go back to our spiritual one & understand his teachings; they’re the only way to survive…
      Peace & Light

"Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought & the thought has found its words"; I know mine's make no sun shines, but....YOU can tell better!

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